


Eye of the Beholder

by Neferit



Series: Unexpected Journeys to Hobbit Kink Meme [16]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - No one dies, Body Image, Comfort, Community: hobbit_kink, F/M, Genderbending, Romance, Scars, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 20:50:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1997331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neferit/pseuds/Neferit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Pretty boy. Beauty among the dwarves. The dark-haired, pretty one. Such a beautiful young man.</i> How Kíli hated when he was called these. He hated it, because dwarven prince is not supposed to be beautiful or pretty; dwarven prince is supposed to be resourceful and skilled in battle, they told him ever since he was a small dwarfling. And yet everyone insisted on calling him these.</p><p>Not anymore, though. Not ever since the infamous Battle of the Five Armies, as they called it now, happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eye of the Beholder

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a [promp](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/8973.html?thread=19848717#t19848717)t over at hobbit_kink meme:
> 
>  
> 
> _Kili was always called "beautiful" and "pretty", but he HATES it. A Dwarf Prince can't be pretty, they are fierce warriors. Then BoFA happens and he is left with some really ugly scars on his face; he goes from fair-elf-looking to orc-resemblance. But no matter what, Bilbo will always thinks he is handsome, and helps him heal and recover his self-esteem._
> 
>  
> 
> Sounded like something I could write, eh. Genderchanges ahead - Bilbo always had been a girl.

 

_Pretty boy._

_Beauty among the dwarves._

_The dark-haired, pretty one._

_Such a beautiful young man._

How Kíli hated when he was called these. He hated it, because dwarven prince is not supposed to be beautiful or pretty; dwarven prince is supposed to be resourceful and skilled in battle, they told him ever since he was a small dwarfling. And yet everyone insisted on calling him these.

Not anymore, though. Not ever since the infamous Battle of the Five Armies, as they called it now, happened.

When Kíli woke up in the healing tent, his whole body aching, he couldn't help but panic when he couldn't see a thing, only quiet voice of Bella, calling to him and speaking to him in hushed tones calmed him down. Her hands kept on brushing gently through his hair, he could feel it, while her voice explained to him what happened.

He, his brother and uncle had been knocked around quite a bit during the battle. He remembered only little of what she described - most of all the feeling of desperation, when he saw his uncle being knocked down, Fíli and himself jumping to his defense, and that was all he could remember. By some miracle they all survived, if barely, and even if the rest of his family had yet to regain consciousness (in Thorin's case, regain consciousness once more), she could already tell him what injuries they suffered, apart from countless cuts and bruises.

Obviously, both Thorin's legs and ribs were broken on multiple places (by sheer luck none of the ribs poking through his lungs and none of his leg bones got shattered, which meant they wouldn't have to amputate the limb), so while he may heal, he would never again be able to walk without at least a small limp, and even that not on longer journeys on foot. Fíli got stabbed by a spear right through the stomach, making his recovery even more lengthy, as this kind of injuries had been very dangerous even at the best of conditions.

It was when she spoke of _his_ injuries that her voice broke.

During the battle, but obviously after he had been knocked out, his right arm got broken, most of his ribs had been either bruised or cracked (but surprisingly not broken), somehow he managed to twist his ankle and... and got cut over his face repeatedly, almost losing an eye in the process, which in turn resulted in having to get all those cuts sewed and wrapped in several layers of bandages, which was the reason he couldn't see anything.

He wished he could cry - but at the time being, he just held on Bella's hand tightly and let her do it in his stead.

**-o.O.o-**

Hearing Óin's voice fell down to soft comforting tones worked exactly the opposite on Kíli's nerves, already strained by his lack of sight and inability, or rather, on not being allowed, to move from bed.

Bella was nearly always by his side, leaving only when Óin is checking his bandages; the gesture only unnerving, since they already had seen each other's naked body, but at the same time it's a big relief. Óin's hands were gentle, as they unwrapped and re-wrapped all the bandages covering his wounds, applying the nasty smelling salves on his torso and sweetly smelling something on his face once he's removed the stitches holding his skin together, his voice instructing him to keep his eyes closed, because he surely would not wish for the salve to get into his eyes.

Only once he asked Bella, whether she saw his injured face. For a moment, she was completely quiet, before she quietly relied that yes, she saw what his face looked like before they wrapped it under the protective bandages.

It was her short reply to his question how bad it was that nearly sent him into despair.

"Bad."

**-o.O.o-**

When the day to take off his bandages finally came, Bella asked to be the one who would cut them off, anxiously waiting for Kíli's opinion on the matter. The young dwarf was unsure how he should feel about the whole affair - if it truly was as bad as Bella's voice during her reply suggested, it would probably be better, if she saw it first.

Her tears, when he first opened his eyes after all this time having them closed were to be expected, he reasoned with himself, but at the same time they were making his heart cry as well.

Before, Bella would teasingly called him _'her handsome'_ time to time, her lips forming a small smile. Now, as he looked at his image in the mirror, seeing the uneven, angry red scars marring his face, he would bet good money even an orc would run at the sight of him.

He doubted Bella would call him _'handsome'_ ever again. In fact, he doubted she would even look at him directly again at all.

**-o.O.o-**

There were days when Kíli actually felt as if nothing was out-of-order - he could move freely again, and even if his right arm was weaker than his other arm, it was something he could work on to get it back to shape. But then someone would just startle at the sight of him, or he would try to grin the same way as before and his muscles pulled painfully, and once again he would be reminded of how broken he actually was.

Bella would keep by his side; now that he could see again, he saw how gaunt the hobbit lass looked. She was pale, once again she lost weight, and her once completely unmarked face had been marked by a long, thin pink scar that cut through middle of her right eyebrow, over her eye, ending in the middle of her cheek.

There were good days and bad days in his life now.

On good days, he would cradle Bella to him and whisper sweet nothings into her hair, kissing her softly an sweetly.

On good days, he would be laughing freely as he spun her around in dance for music only they could hear.

On good days, he would hold her in his arms, and indulge himself in fantasy when he would be saying his wedding vow to her, and hear her say one of her own, before he kissed her to everyone's cheering and carried her to the feast hall.

On bad days, he would throw hurtful things into her face, making her cry as he snarled at her to just leave him once and for all, as it surely was something she had been waiting for proper time to do anyway, he storming away, slamming door behind him, as Bella stayed where she stood, tears streaming down her cheeks as she called after him.

On bad days, Fíli would be the one who came to get him, resting his hand on his shoulder before he told him to stop being an idiot and trying to chase away the woman who loved him so much that she left her home for good, just so she could be with him.

On bad days, he would snarl at his older brother to mind his own bloody business and leave him alone.

And on nights of those bad days, he would lie on his half of their bed, Bella's back turned to him, as she stiffly laid on her side, her face red and swollen from her previous crying.

It was during those times when he felt his heart breaking while knowing that if it would break completely, it would be just his own fault.

**-o.O.o-**

It was during one of those bad days that they broke into a really bad argument; hurtful things flying all around, when Bella said: "I miss the old Kíli."

 _'Of course you do,'_ he thought, and it must have shown on his face, because she closed the distance betwen them and reached up to cradle his face in her hands, forcing him to meet her eyes; those expressive and impossibly deep blue orbs, as she continued.

"I miss the Kíli I followed into the battle, I miss the Kíli who would sneak around with me, I miss the Kíli who would smile at me in the morning." She paused, her thumbs caressing his cheekbones. "My Kíli," she continued, her voice a whisper. "I miss _my Kíli_. Not the pretty boy Kíli, not the dark-haired beauty Kíli, but _my_ Kíli. These scars are terrible, that much is true, but when I look at you, I see man I love, the man who fought hard to protect his loved ones, and that haven't changed. Haven't changed, is not changing and will never change."

He felt tears streaming down his cheeks, as he leaned his forehead against hers, before she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the nose.

"My Kíli," she said, and in that moment he broke completely, his knees collapsing under his weight as he crumpled to the ground, her arms supporting him as he cried for time that seemed like hours, until all his tears were finally spent, her voice whispering sweet nothings into his hair.

He had no recollection of how he got back to their room, but when he opened his eyes, he was laying with his head on her stomach, his arms wrapped around her waist, the sound of her breathing lulling him back to sleep.

**-o.O.o-**

There would still be good days and bad days, as both of them realized. On bad days, the scared muscles would twitch painfully in a way it never did before The Battle, someone would make an insensitive remark, stare rudely or propose Bella, telling her to leave her horror-like lover to find someone more to her liking, and the old uneasiness would rear its ugly head.

And then there would be the good days, when Bella would smile at Kíli, and he would return the smile, in his mind reciting the wedding vows they took over and over, and the world would disappear into the colourful swirls as he would spin her around to the music only they could hear.

**Author's Note:**

> And you know the drill, me dears - you see something you like? Tell me. You see something you do not like? Tell me. You would just like to say "XYZ was here"? Tell me :)


End file.
